Sept 8, 2021
Omg boundaries. What is that? And how do we implement them? Growing up in an Asian household, we are taught that love = no boundaries. We often operated at both extreme ends of the spectrum. Where there are no boundaries when it comes to punishment, shame and imparting guilt as well as no boundaries when it comes to “making up” for that toxicity with gifts, fruit, and money.
As a grown adult woman, I know if I decided to move home at age 37, my parents would gladly take me in and never at all think about charging me rent. In fact, they would probably pay for all the grocery and meals. So it’s hard to see how boundaries fits in to this dynamic we’ve grown accustomed to.
Through my healing journey, I realized how important boundaries are to stepping into our best selves. Even if they start off as tiny boundaries like please knock before you enter my room. Personally, when I started to take account and be aware of where my energy is spent and what causes me to lash out, I recognized that it’s because I’ve allowed others’ behaviors to infect my wellbeing in the long run.
It’s like poking a bear or in my case, my sassy Pomeranian. You take it and you accept it because you’re trying to be “nice” or “get over it.” But underneath it all, you know it bothers you. And in the process of healing and better understanding our own triggers, it’s more than fine to ask for some space. Or else that repetitive poking, as minor as some of that poking might be, will add up over time to where the sassy pom gets mad.
I’ll write a future post on how to implement boundaries, especially within as Asian household because it’s not as easy to do, let alone enforce as a lot of white therapists out there teach.
With that, sending all the light and hugs!