Blog: Feeling Misunderstood
Sept 20, 2021
Feeling misunderstood is such a common feeling. Like no one understands or no matter how hard you try to explain things, it just doesn’t come across. It can lead to feeling very lonely, isolated, self blame, jealousy that others have that connection with others, fomo, pushing others away and other hurtful thoughts.
The core thing comes down to, what’s wrong with me?
I’ve worked with many many of my clients about feeling misunderstood and the consequences of it.
This is something I’ve personally connected to this past year, through digging in deeper. I realized I often go into conversations already being defensive or overly explaining myself. I already go in with the default that I might possibly be misunderstood. And I connected that to how I grew up in my family. Always feeling like the black sheep. Trying to understand my parents but never allowed the space to talk about things with them. My mom pushing her values, opinions, and decisions onto me and never giving me a safe space to express myself. Even to this day that happens.
Of course as a kid, we don’t know any better. So what do we do? We blame ourselves. It must be me. Why can’t I just be ok with it? Why do I feel conflicted or angry? Another coping mechanism I developed as a result was people pleasing. I learned really early on if I put my own needs behind what others want, then I can cheat my way to feeling accepted (temporarily). Which ultimately is what we’re looking for when we feel understood.
Oh you get me. Oh I’m not weird. Oh we totally connect! I feel safe with you.
All things that I’ve been reparenting myself step by step. And through awareness, kindness, self compassion, and patience, I unlearning narratives that no longer serve me but were there to protect me. That’s what happens when you grow and allow yourself to keep evolving.